Film at 11

Thursday

My loyal readership,

How honored I am by Al's blog comment, as well as Marty's earlier sympathies about how her plums upset my tum. It's good to know that your audience is listening. Now if only my blog had a purpose. . . .

I went out to a new Italian restaurant in my neighborhood last night, since our usual choice has been overusing the microwave lately. We sat across from a lonely-looking thin man, sitting at a table of four with a dozen pale pink roses, a cellophane-wrapped bottle of champagne, and a giant Minnie Mouse balloon. He sat alone for almost an hour while we ate, pausing once in a while to use his cell phone. I felt sad. I wanted to tell him how pretty I thought the flowers were and to laugh at the balloon. Here, I thought, was someone whose heart was in danger of breaking.

Finally, the person he was waiting for walked in. She was Kate Moss-thin, about 40, and she was followed by another plumper 40-year-old woman and a 5-year old boy. Heartsick gave Kate Moss the flowers and a kiss on the cheek. Then, the group sat down to dinner together, and for the rest of the night, except for the 5-year-old boy, DID NOT SMILE OR SAY A SINGLE WORD TO EACH OTHER. They just ate their food and looked grumpy.

Where is the love, I ask you?

In that spirit, here's what I wrote during my teaching demonstration today about what my summer at Berkeley has been like:

July 22, 2002 What the Summer Institute has been like for me

When I came here, I was very nervous. I was interviewed late, admitted late, and I felt like the candidate who just slipped in under the cracks. I felt like I had been given an expensive present that I didn’t deserve. I was excited, though, to be in a roomful of teachers, my people, but coming from all different perspectives, just like my students do. How often, in my life, do I get to talk to brilliant teachers, practitioners at the top of their craft, who range from kindergarten to university in their levels? The Summer Institute has been a freeing experience for me. I have written earlier that I felt like something opened up inside of me, like there was somehow more space than there was before. I felt like my heart has grown bigger, more expansive. Before, I would never have dreamt of sharing my writing, personal or professional, with anyone else. It was too threatening, too invasive, and it couldn’t possibly be good enough. Now, I feel like it’s not having to share that writing, it’s about getting to share it. It’s like my writing group has given me a gift, and I know that my presence is a gift as well. They have given me the gift of a bigger heart.

Posted by Meredith at July 23, 2002 10:00 PM