One more cup of coffee

Crib abattoir

When we were setting up the crib, Al helpfully looked up the consumer regulations on crib safety. The code, Title 16, C.F.R 1508, specifies dimensions, spacing, and other requirements. 1508.6 includes this paragraph:

(a) A crib shall be designed and constructed in a manner that eliminates from any hardware accessible to a child within the crib the possibility of the hardware's presenting a mechanical hazard through pinching, bruising, lacerating, crushing, breaking, amputating, or otherwise injuring portions of the human body when the crib is in normal use or when subjected to reasonably foreseeable damage or abuse.

Amputating? I can see it now…

“Good morning, gentlemen. Uh, this is a brand new crib, combining classical new-Georgian features with all the advantages of modern baby furniture. The baby is carried along here, towards the rotating knives…”

“Excuse me. Did you say knives?”

“Rotating knives, yes.”

“Are you, uh, proposing to slaughter our customer’s babies?”

“Does that not fit in with your plans?”

“Uh, no, it does not. We wanted a simple crib.”

OK, so ruling out amputation seems like a good plan.